


Wretched Body

by TheDweeb



Series: In Another World my Smile was Meant for You [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Garleans (Final Fantasy XIV), M/M, Miqo'te (Final Fantasy XIV), Not Canon Compliant, Out of Body Experiences, Theorycrafting at its finest, Where we're going we're fudging the lore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 16:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18968824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDweeb/pseuds/TheDweeb
Summary: Would that he could ignore the calls of his brethren, yet for all his power he was still powerless against their might. How blessed is he that S'ean understands the things that cannot be spoken? More than he deserves.





	Wretched Body

S’ean bolted upright. His heart was pounding out a familiar rhythm, hard and fast like the panic attacks he used to be plagued with. Closing his eyes he concentrated on breathing long, slow, and deep. Outside the winter rains pattered against the window and he focused on the sound, allowing it to further relax him.

When he opened his eyes, he looked into the darkness of the bedroom. Though he was a Seeker of the Sun his eyes still adjusted quickly to the darkness, and were a lantern lit his eyes would shine. He saw nothing amiss, no strange shapes in the darkness that would indicate a stranger had somehow snuck in. Valtristus was also not present, though he would have knocked, so that left Justus.

Turning in the bed, he reached out and ran his fingers through his lover's long, brunette curls. He was on his back, one hand on his chest that rose and fell slowly in slumber, while the other laid above his head. Justus was where he should be, asleep, and breathing. So why did everything still feel wrong?

“Justus?”

He kept his voice low, not wanting to jar him, but he got no response.

“Justus?” he called again, voice raised.

When he again got no response he felt the panic begin to return. Justus was not a deep sleeper. He would not wake up at just any noise, but S'ean's second call would have been enough. Should have been. And so S'ean summoned up his aether and placed his hands so that they hovered just over Justus's chest.

The greenish-blue light that emanated from his hands was a soft and gentle glow. It was normally used to heal, but there were other applications of conjury that most people outside of Amdapor did not know. That was part of the reason he had been conscripted, and it was likely one of the main factors in why Medicus kir Pazenis had introduced him to Justus. He could manipulate a person's aether to read their body for illness. What he found in Justus, however, was far more alarming than any sickness.

Though he was laying beside him, breathing, Justus himself was not there. There was not a trace of his essence, the thing that made him Justus; his soul was absent. He traced the thread of aether as he did his best to keep from succumbing to the panic that welled back up within him. Eventually, though, he reached the end of the thread which meant wherever he was he had gone to another plane entirely and without dying.

Snatching his hands back as if he had been scalded, S'ean ripped the covers from his body. Before he could move, however, Justus woke with a gasp and sent him backwards with a terrified yelp. He grabbed the headboard before he could topple from the bed, but S'ean still felt his tail nearly touch the floor as his back end hung slightly off the mattress. Pulling himself back onto the mattress, he then slowly crawled toward Justus who had sat up and was breathing heavily.

“Justus, what happened?” he whispered, voice trembling.

Justus rubbed at his face blearily, grimacing as he felt the stubble along his jaw. Just like life to throw him a small, yet irritating inconvenience as soon as he returned from his greatest burden. Not that any of that mattered as he turned to see the silhouette of his lover poised on the bed as if he were ready to either pounce or bolt. He would not blame him if it were the latter; having his soul be literally hurled back into his body did not make for a pleasant awakening. He could also imagine those wide brown eyes staring at him in fear and he sighed sadly.

“I'm alright, darling,” he said gently, voice rough from sleep and the trauma he had just experienced. “It was only a nightmare.”

That had been enough once upon a time. When he felt S'ean's hands upon him, however, he knew that it would not be. Leaning into the hand that rested on his cheek, he then took the one on his heart into his before looping his other arm around S'ean's waist and pulling him closer. He could hear the rabbit’s pace of the miqo'te's heart against his ribs. Then he felt the tremble in his limbs and held him tight as he heard a soft whimper.

“That was not a nightmare, Justus,” S’ean whispered, afraid to speak any louder lest his voice crack. “You were _gone_. You were right here but _you_ were gone, and I could not find you!”

He had forgotten about that particular talent in conjury that S'ean possessed. It was a remarkable ability that had aided in Valtristus's recovery from terrible spells of his illness more than once. Several staff in his house had also benefited from it, especially the expectant mothers. He had not considered the other applications of the ability. But what had caused S'ean to even use the ability? Rather than ask he instead laid his cheek atop his mop of curls, kissing an ear in passing. 

“I'm right here, darling,” he said in what he thought was a soothing manner, but it had the opposite effect.

S'ean pulled away from him and he could imagine the glare he was receiving. He felt guilty then, and for the first time in the eternity that had been his existence he wanted to tell the truth. If he could have trusted Dagna--and he could have, he did--he certainly could trust S'ean. The truth, however, was far too dangerous, so he stayed silent.

“Justus…”

“I wish I knew what to tell you, darling,” he said, his voice soft and tired. “If I _could_ tell you I would.”

That was as close to the truth as he could go. And it was true. He would tell him in a heartbeat if he had the assurance that this life he had begun to build would not crumble around him, but he did not. He had also learned his lesson about peeking into his own future. No, he would leave it be and keep his secrets.

“I'm sorry I frightened you, my love.”

S'ean's expression softened at the endearment. Whether or not Justus was keeping secrets--and he most certainly was--he was at least sincere in his remorse. There was no way he could stay angry with him; he never could. 

“...Will it happen again?” he asked as he curled into Justus’s side once more.

“I cannot say,” came the reply.

Both meanings of the phrase were true, and all he could hope was that S'ean would accept it as an unknown. When he felt fingers stroking the hair on his chin he knew it was S'ean contemplating. Then he was kissed and knew that he had been caught in his double meaning, but by the miracle that was S'ean himself he was accepted and forgiven.

**Author's Note:**

> So, for clarity's sake I figure I'll outline what this is all about.
> 
> Where Valtristus and I have put our OCs into the FFXIV universe we have also made AUs within that AU. This series takes place on a completely different Shard from FFXIV Canon; which is on the Source. Thusly, the characters while having the same names are essentially different iterations of their Source counterparts (with the exception of Justus, who is product of us fucking around with lore and theorycrafting concepts). Too, the world shares same and similar names to places on the Source, but the history and current events of the world are different; we're just too lazy to think of new names.
> 
> This series specifically focuses on Justus and S'ean with a few other of our OCs coming in and out. If you've got questions feel free to drop a comment or message to ask (I'm still learning how things work, bear with me please). And thanks for reading! (All titles will be taken from their joint playlist)


End file.
